March 19

So I have spent the bitter part of the week dealing. Like really dealing. Emotionally,mentally, physically dealing. We are going through infertility treatments currently and have become a walking pin cushion. We really felt like this last cycle was the one. As our Endocrinologist was looking things over it looked like 3 were going to be released. And then the due date was discussed if in FACT any of the 3 decided to stick around.

The Due date was March 19.

We found it Ironic because we were adamant on Naming this child after her grandmother ( if it was a girl) so her Middle name was going to be Lori. And we all knew her name was going to be Emmalee. Well around November things were crazy with us and we decided that we didn't feel just right about everything and things backed off. Then grandpa died.

The other day we were talking about Names because we weren't sure if we were pregnant or not. I asked D if I could name my sweet baby after Grandpa Rue. When we have a child and it is a girl Her name will be Emmalee Rue Brown. Then when we found out the due date we knew it would be perfect.

But like life, it didn't go perfect. There will be no baby On March 19. And in true RUE fashion, I tore apart my kitchen table and went to town sanding it. The smell of the sawdust and the feel of the wood... I knew that I learned something from him.

Wow... I am still sanding.... And in the end it will perfection. Nothing less