New layout

I changed the layout since it is almost March. March to me means... Grandpa's Birthday and St Patricks Day.I hope it doesn't bother anyone that I changed it. If you find a background that you like and you want to change it to, please let me know the website and I will be happy to change it. St Patricks Day always reminds me that it is close to Grandpa's birthday and Stake Conference for the Castle Dale Stake :) Grandpa would be 79 this year. OH MY STARS!I will make sure to think of him on his birthday like I do every year but from now on, it will mean something different. I love you grandpa! With a bushel and peck and a hug around the neck!

Links

I went ahead and put the links on this page so people can reference the Obituary and funeral, Grandpa's Flickr, and the link to the video that Chels made for the funeral. That was a great idea!

I watched the video that Chels made, she did a GREAT job! While watching it, I just think what a great man Grandpa was. If anyone has any links or ideas on what to put on the page, please feel free to let me know.

If there is anyone else I should to post on this, please give their email address so I can "invite" them. I don't want to leave anyone out.

Grandpa Links

I thought it would be nice if we compiled links, etc. concerning Grandpa. If we could put some of these links in the sidebar that would be good- but Nicky has to do that kind of stuff.

His flickr page.

Obituary and funeral audio.

If anyone else has any links they'd like to share about Gpa that would be great!

Grandpa from dailydaph on Vimeo.

Another Lesson

I heard some good news from someone at school yesterday and this experience came to my mind, again......
One day in our visiting, Dad shared a thought with me that has stuck with me. Every time this situation comes up I think about what he said. I don't remember the situation of why this conversation came up, if we were just talking or experiencing it, but it stuck with me.

We were talking about feeling joy because of other's happiness. I remember him saying that so many times he would hear something similar to this conversation:

A: I see you have a new car.
B: Yeah, I sure needed it and isn't it nice?
A: Where did you get all the money?
B: I got a loan like every one else does. Now I have to pay it off.
A: Wish I could afford one.

Or this conversation:

A: We just got our plans finalized for a vacation that we want to take.
B: Wish I could go on a vacation. We never get to do anything. I don't want to hear about your vacation.

Dad then went on to talk about how many times he listened to similar exchanges. One person so excited they wanted to share their happiness, and the other person not wanting to hear about it because of jealousy. He told about one time he had heard that a certain man in town had a new truck. When he saw that man Dad remarked that he had been told about the new truck. Dad asked to see it, and made a fuss over the inside, the color, etc. The guy seemed thrilled to be able to share his new "toy" with someone. After the happy exchange, the guy told Dad that he was the first person to ask to see the truck. The happy owner then went on to say how he had been made to feel like a bad person through everyone else's apparent jealousy about his truck. He said he bought a new truck because he needed one, could afford it, and got a good deal. Why did other's feel he shouldn't be happy about it, take his happiness away, or put such a damper on it all?

Our conversation when on to discuss how we need to be happy for other people's happiness. That includes not saying you are "jealous" but "glad" or "happy for them". Let them talk about the good things in their lives so they will feel they can also share the bad or hard times.

I remember sitting there in the kitchen (of course, that is where all the good conversations took place), and hearing him talk about that man's new truck, and being happy for him. Something I remember when "Good Things Happen."

Hospital visits

The hospital visits all started 1 christmas long time ago.. (in a far away land). Grandpa got taken over to Castleview on Christmas Eve. That christmas was the year we got our blankets. I still have my blanket, it is in my cedar chest.

10 years ago the journey on christmas eve started again, Grandpa was rushed over to Castleview then life flight to UVRMC. He had staph infection surrounding his heart. They rushed him in to surgery to get the staph out. He was in ICU and he even got sworn into the School Board at that time while he was at the hospital. That hospital visit was a long stay but again, he pulled it off. He had open heart surgery along with the staph infection.

Then this past year.... Grandpa had a strange way of getting the family together for holidays. Easter he ended up getting life flighted up to UVRMC and they found out he had colon cancer. When he left that time he life in May to go to Ferron Rest Home. He was there for Mothers Day. Memorial Day, me and my parents were up camping and got a knock on the trailor door by Gayle Jensen saying Grandpa is being taken to Provo, he's in price right now. We loaded up what we had for a day to go to Provo. Grandpa went straight to the ICU. After there he went to the Respite place in Provo. I know he was home for thanksgiving because again, taken to Provo. After that, it wasn't good.

Grandpa was a strong man. I loved being able to talk to him after the Memorial Day hospitalization. I sat with him for hours. He would NOT let my momfeed him, he wanted Nicky! THen when it was just me and him, he would hold my hand and talk to Nell. I would cry. I told him that If Nell needed him, it's ok to go.

Grandpa taught so many life lessons. I miss grandpa so much. I am so blessed to have the family I have. Thank you all for the support.

Lasting Impressions

I want to tell about somethings that people at the viewing and funeral said to me about Dad.

Diane Butler told me that she thought a lot of him and he helped her so much in the library at San Rafael Jr. High. She said that if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have most of the stuff in the library. Diane said she would tell me someday of the experiences she had with him and what a help he was. (I'll let you know what else she says.)

Judge Scott Johansen told me that he really appreciated everything about Rue and that he was a great man. While Scott was the county attorney, sometimes he had to miss Commission meeting but always listened to the recordings of the meetings later. Many times Dad could have said some negative comment and Scott said many times Dad would have been justified in doing so. But Dad never did. In fact, Dad defended Scott many many times. He never said anything bad even when he could have.

Wendy Black came into Kent's office a couple of weeks ago and said how sorry she was to hear about Dad. She said he was the Principal when she was in 8th grade at Canyon View Jr. High. Wendy's dad died when she was 8 years old and "Mr. Ware" told Wendy many stories about her dad. She said he was the only one who would do that and she appreciated it so much. She loved hearing stories about her father and talking to someone outside her family who knew him in a different way than family did.

I thought those stories said a lot about Grandpa's character. Especially Judge Johansen's. Even if you are justified in saying something negative or demeaning to another, don't do it. Especially if they are your friend, family or co-worker.

I've thought alot about this and I'm sure Dad never imagined that not saying something mean about Scott when he could have, would be THE experience that stuck with Scott all these years. What will people say about us when we are gone? What is the lasting impression we are leaving with those we associate with? Are we living in a way where our children will be proud of us when we are gone? Are we living in a way where our children can be proud of us now?

I am proud that Rue Ware was my dad. I am proud that throughout his career he acted respectful and considerate of others. Yes, there are those times where his temper got the best of him, where he had to stand up for WHAT was right, not for WHO was right.

Hearing these stories inspires me to want to be better. To be the best Julie that I can be, the best wife, mom, grandma, neighbor, friend. I want my children to be proud of me, not only when I'm gone but now while I'm still here.

My Memories

Pulling weeds wasn't my ideal summer activity, but mom saw it fit for Landon and I to help Grandpa out in the orchard. As for specific memories go of mine and Landon's weed picking days go, it is hard to recall specific instances. As it has been stated already on this blog that many of our memories of Grandpa aren't life altering and they seem to just "be there".

So I guess I will spill out my memories of Grandpa. Landon and I would be at Grandpa's house in the early morning, because we wanted to beat the afternoon sun. Grandpa could be found out in the orchard on his scooter with Rosie (sp?) right behind. Grandpa would tell me and Landon waht jobs to tend to and he would monitor our efforts during the day. I would be on my hands and knees tending to a hole in the drip system and I would be trying with all my might to get the rid into the small hole with the pliers, but sure enough, Grandpa would say, "Mitchell, if you turn the pliers 45 degress, the rod would go in much easier", and sure enough, he was right. Grandpa would sit on his scooter and point to each week with his cane and say, "Mitchell, my stars, look at that weed right there!" So off I would go to chop down another weed. I didn't enjoy those long summer days, but I enjoyed spending the time with my brother and my Grandpa.

When my dad moved away to Farmington I was in the 7th grade. He left me and Landon with my mom and Chelsie was at CEU. Chelsie had her college life and things to tend to, and Landon was too cool to stay home, so that left me at home with my mom. I would see her alone when I would go to Kari's house for the evening, and it hurt me. I didn't like knowing that my mom was home alone while I was out with my friends. So I took it upon myself to be home with her. We never had much to do so we started going over to Grandpa's house. We would go over during the week and have dinner together, we would make trips to Wal-Mart, we would go on rides up to the mountains, we went to Scofield Days, and many other little trips here and there. Meanwhile, during all of this, I remember my mom saying that she was left alone with Grandpa when Grandma Nell dies. My mom would stay at home with Grandpa because she was the baby of the family and she didn't enjoy knowing that Grandpa was home alone while she was out with friends. I feel very fortunate that I was able to spend those years "hanging out" with my mom and my Grandparents.

I remember all of those times that my mom would leave Emery County and to to Farmington to deal with things with my dad, and I would have to stay at Grandpa's house. On those Saturdays, Grandpa would take me out in the truck and we would go for a drive up to the mountains. Just like my mom, I would ask questions. When I spent the night and when it came time for dinner, I remember always having toast with whatever we ate. I remember the smell of the bread drawer. Lastly, the biggest thing I remember was having a Grandpa. Having a Grandpa who taught me, cared for me, and above all else, loved me.

Look To The Heavens

Yesterday morning this was shining brightly in the sky. I thought about Dad and how we would share the wonders of the sky. He would call me when he saw something beautiful like a sunrise or the moon big and bright. For an instant I thought "Wow, I need to call Dad and tell him to look outside." But then, maybe he was seeing it, too. I posted more about this on my blog. You can check it out.

Photos I have taken

I wish I had gotten a few more photos at the graveside. here is the best of what I have.. Minus what Chelsie put up .

I think I posted a few of these before or at least I did on my OTHER blog. But here are some photos from my grandfathers graveside service. I didn't take as many as I would like because my sweet baby was not a happy camper. But here is what I came up with!

This one is probably my favorite of the day. This was the spray that my mom and her sisters and my Grandma Carol had for him. My favorite is the Pine. The pine was perfect for my grandpa.

This is my Grandpa's "older" brother. He has buried his 2 babies brothers pretty close together. He is strong and going and one of my most favorite people. He is one of the constants whenever we go home to visit.

This is the Sheriff Lamar Guymon. He worked with my grandpa for a long time in many different capacities. He was a speaker at the funeral. He is also a very close family friend. While I was trying to get some decent photos he was hoovering over with his umbrella trying to keep me from getting wet. I have a deep respect for this man. And with Cell number in hand he sent me on my way telling me to call when I got stuck in the canyon and he would come rescue me... AGAIN!

The man on the right is my Uncle Royce and his wife. Again some constants in my life. Uncle Royce is my grandmothers brother. The little town we lived in is CRAWLING with all of my family. You can't even go to the post office without running into some sweet old person from my childhood is more than happy to give you a hug! These people have changed and shaped my life.

This is the wreath that my Cousin Kristi put together. It has my cousins names on the Christmas balls that will be put up by my grandparents grave side each year.

The gun salute was pretty amazing in the quiet of the cemetery. What a great experience to see these men do something so honorary for my grandfather was breathe taking.

Ok a few More will be coming.

Home Squared

I've been thinking about Gpa a lot over the last year; with his health problems, all the pictures we worked on, etc. I feel so extremely fortunate to have spent the month or so with him in June while he was up here in rehab. I'm glad Daphne was able to spend so much time with him. She knows exactly who Papa Rue is and whenever she sees pics of him she squeals his name with glee.

I've been trying to think of specific memories of him, and while I have them, they are all pretty short and nothing earth shatteringly profound. At first this bothered me. Then I realized that the reason for this is because he was a constant presence in my life. He wasn't there for every little program or anything, and seeing him was never a big deal (except on Christmas Eve). I think that speaks for how important he was. By that I mean that seeing him, visiting him, was just a normal part of my life experience.

There are definitive personality traits for which I can recall short little snippets of memories (Chelsie, I'd like a glass of water with three ice cubes placed right here.). And we all laugh at these because we know they illustrate things about Gpa that were aggravating and we loved him all the more for them.

More than all that, my thoughts seem to bend less toward the specific and more toward the general. Particularly, what his consistent habitation of the goings on of my life did to shape my perceptions and ideas about what family and community should be.

I just finished reading "Dreams of my Father". In it, Obama is trying to figure out who he is and where he fits in the world. He travels to Kenya to meet his father's family. He spends the first part of his trip with the younger family members who live in the capitol city of Nairobi. After a time they travel to where the rest of the family resides and calls "Home Squared". Obama asks them to explain what that means and his sister says:

There's your house in Nairobi. And then there's your house in the country, where your people come from. Your ancestral home. Even the biggest businessman thinks this way. He may have a mansion in Nairobi and build only a small hut on his land in the country. He may only go there twice a year. But if you ask him where he is from, he will tell you that that hut is his true home. So, when we were at school and wanted to tell somebody we were going to Alego, it was home twice over, you see. Home Squared. (pg 369)

That is what Orangeville, and more specifically, the house that Grandpa built and the land that he tended and loved, is for me. Perhaps that is why I've never felt lost in this world. Grandpa was the embodiment of Home Squared.

There are reasons I do not want to live in Emery County. There are the reasons that none of us want to live there and that those who do can't stand about living there.

But there are also reasons I yearn to move back. To have Aunt Lori as Daphne's teacher, to run up the street and visit with some family member, to run into someone I'm related to wherever I go, to have Daphne get to know and love all the places and people I know and love, to have the closest friends (family) for myself and Daphne to be so close at hand, to have a vested interest in my local community, to know the story of every rock and tree and canal and ditch and to know every inch of sidewalk in the town for myself. The scenes of 95% of my nightly dreams are locations in Emery County.

Liza posted some Halloween pics on Facebook and I knew where every single picture was taken. I look through Gpa's pics and feel more at home than when I am sitting in my own house. What I wouldn't give to have East Mountain be within view at all times!

I owe this love for home to Grandpa, directly and indirectly. For the stories he shared with me and with my mother that she then shared with me. For the work he did to help build and shape the county, school district, mountains, Orangeville, and his own home. These things he did created an environment that left me so wholly connected to a place and the people in that place, that he is, to my mind, inexorably linked to that environment. That they are one and the same.