Lasting Impressions

I want to tell about somethings that people at the viewing and funeral said to me about Dad.

Diane Butler told me that she thought a lot of him and he helped her so much in the library at San Rafael Jr. High. She said that if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have most of the stuff in the library. Diane said she would tell me someday of the experiences she had with him and what a help he was. (I'll let you know what else she says.)

Judge Scott Johansen told me that he really appreciated everything about Rue and that he was a great man. While Scott was the county attorney, sometimes he had to miss Commission meeting but always listened to the recordings of the meetings later. Many times Dad could have said some negative comment and Scott said many times Dad would have been justified in doing so. But Dad never did. In fact, Dad defended Scott many many times. He never said anything bad even when he could have.

Wendy Black came into Kent's office a couple of weeks ago and said how sorry she was to hear about Dad. She said he was the Principal when she was in 8th grade at Canyon View Jr. High. Wendy's dad died when she was 8 years old and "Mr. Ware" told Wendy many stories about her dad. She said he was the only one who would do that and she appreciated it so much. She loved hearing stories about her father and talking to someone outside her family who knew him in a different way than family did.

I thought those stories said a lot about Grandpa's character. Especially Judge Johansen's. Even if you are justified in saying something negative or demeaning to another, don't do it. Especially if they are your friend, family or co-worker.

I've thought alot about this and I'm sure Dad never imagined that not saying something mean about Scott when he could have, would be THE experience that stuck with Scott all these years. What will people say about us when we are gone? What is the lasting impression we are leaving with those we associate with? Are we living in a way where our children will be proud of us when we are gone? Are we living in a way where our children can be proud of us now?

I am proud that Rue Ware was my dad. I am proud that throughout his career he acted respectful and considerate of others. Yes, there are those times where his temper got the best of him, where he had to stand up for WHAT was right, not for WHO was right.

Hearing these stories inspires me to want to be better. To be the best Julie that I can be, the best wife, mom, grandma, neighbor, friend. I want my children to be proud of me, not only when I'm gone but now while I'm still here.

My Memories

Pulling weeds wasn't my ideal summer activity, but mom saw it fit for Landon and I to help Grandpa out in the orchard. As for specific memories go of mine and Landon's weed picking days go, it is hard to recall specific instances. As it has been stated already on this blog that many of our memories of Grandpa aren't life altering and they seem to just "be there".

So I guess I will spill out my memories of Grandpa. Landon and I would be at Grandpa's house in the early morning, because we wanted to beat the afternoon sun. Grandpa could be found out in the orchard on his scooter with Rosie (sp?) right behind. Grandpa would tell me and Landon waht jobs to tend to and he would monitor our efforts during the day. I would be on my hands and knees tending to a hole in the drip system and I would be trying with all my might to get the rid into the small hole with the pliers, but sure enough, Grandpa would say, "Mitchell, if you turn the pliers 45 degress, the rod would go in much easier", and sure enough, he was right. Grandpa would sit on his scooter and point to each week with his cane and say, "Mitchell, my stars, look at that weed right there!" So off I would go to chop down another weed. I didn't enjoy those long summer days, but I enjoyed spending the time with my brother and my Grandpa.

When my dad moved away to Farmington I was in the 7th grade. He left me and Landon with my mom and Chelsie was at CEU. Chelsie had her college life and things to tend to, and Landon was too cool to stay home, so that left me at home with my mom. I would see her alone when I would go to Kari's house for the evening, and it hurt me. I didn't like knowing that my mom was home alone while I was out with my friends. So I took it upon myself to be home with her. We never had much to do so we started going over to Grandpa's house. We would go over during the week and have dinner together, we would make trips to Wal-Mart, we would go on rides up to the mountains, we went to Scofield Days, and many other little trips here and there. Meanwhile, during all of this, I remember my mom saying that she was left alone with Grandpa when Grandma Nell dies. My mom would stay at home with Grandpa because she was the baby of the family and she didn't enjoy knowing that Grandpa was home alone while she was out with friends. I feel very fortunate that I was able to spend those years "hanging out" with my mom and my Grandparents.

I remember all of those times that my mom would leave Emery County and to to Farmington to deal with things with my dad, and I would have to stay at Grandpa's house. On those Saturdays, Grandpa would take me out in the truck and we would go for a drive up to the mountains. Just like my mom, I would ask questions. When I spent the night and when it came time for dinner, I remember always having toast with whatever we ate. I remember the smell of the bread drawer. Lastly, the biggest thing I remember was having a Grandpa. Having a Grandpa who taught me, cared for me, and above all else, loved me.

Look To The Heavens

Yesterday morning this was shining brightly in the sky. I thought about Dad and how we would share the wonders of the sky. He would call me when he saw something beautiful like a sunrise or the moon big and bright. For an instant I thought "Wow, I need to call Dad and tell him to look outside." But then, maybe he was seeing it, too. I posted more about this on my blog. You can check it out.

Photos I have taken

I wish I had gotten a few more photos at the graveside. here is the best of what I have.. Minus what Chelsie put up .

I think I posted a few of these before or at least I did on my OTHER blog. But here are some photos from my grandfathers graveside service. I didn't take as many as I would like because my sweet baby was not a happy camper. But here is what I came up with!

This one is probably my favorite of the day. This was the spray that my mom and her sisters and my Grandma Carol had for him. My favorite is the Pine. The pine was perfect for my grandpa.

This is my Grandpa's "older" brother. He has buried his 2 babies brothers pretty close together. He is strong and going and one of my most favorite people. He is one of the constants whenever we go home to visit.

This is the Sheriff Lamar Guymon. He worked with my grandpa for a long time in many different capacities. He was a speaker at the funeral. He is also a very close family friend. While I was trying to get some decent photos he was hoovering over with his umbrella trying to keep me from getting wet. I have a deep respect for this man. And with Cell number in hand he sent me on my way telling me to call when I got stuck in the canyon and he would come rescue me... AGAIN!

The man on the right is my Uncle Royce and his wife. Again some constants in my life. Uncle Royce is my grandmothers brother. The little town we lived in is CRAWLING with all of my family. You can't even go to the post office without running into some sweet old person from my childhood is more than happy to give you a hug! These people have changed and shaped my life.

This is the wreath that my Cousin Kristi put together. It has my cousins names on the Christmas balls that will be put up by my grandparents grave side each year.

The gun salute was pretty amazing in the quiet of the cemetery. What a great experience to see these men do something so honorary for my grandfather was breathe taking.

Ok a few More will be coming.

Home Squared

I've been thinking about Gpa a lot over the last year; with his health problems, all the pictures we worked on, etc. I feel so extremely fortunate to have spent the month or so with him in June while he was up here in rehab. I'm glad Daphne was able to spend so much time with him. She knows exactly who Papa Rue is and whenever she sees pics of him she squeals his name with glee.

I've been trying to think of specific memories of him, and while I have them, they are all pretty short and nothing earth shatteringly profound. At first this bothered me. Then I realized that the reason for this is because he was a constant presence in my life. He wasn't there for every little program or anything, and seeing him was never a big deal (except on Christmas Eve). I think that speaks for how important he was. By that I mean that seeing him, visiting him, was just a normal part of my life experience.

There are definitive personality traits for which I can recall short little snippets of memories (Chelsie, I'd like a glass of water with three ice cubes placed right here.). And we all laugh at these because we know they illustrate things about Gpa that were aggravating and we loved him all the more for them.

More than all that, my thoughts seem to bend less toward the specific and more toward the general. Particularly, what his consistent habitation of the goings on of my life did to shape my perceptions and ideas about what family and community should be.

I just finished reading "Dreams of my Father". In it, Obama is trying to figure out who he is and where he fits in the world. He travels to Kenya to meet his father's family. He spends the first part of his trip with the younger family members who live in the capitol city of Nairobi. After a time they travel to where the rest of the family resides and calls "Home Squared". Obama asks them to explain what that means and his sister says:

There's your house in Nairobi. And then there's your house in the country, where your people come from. Your ancestral home. Even the biggest businessman thinks this way. He may have a mansion in Nairobi and build only a small hut on his land in the country. He may only go there twice a year. But if you ask him where he is from, he will tell you that that hut is his true home. So, when we were at school and wanted to tell somebody we were going to Alego, it was home twice over, you see. Home Squared. (pg 369)

That is what Orangeville, and more specifically, the house that Grandpa built and the land that he tended and loved, is for me. Perhaps that is why I've never felt lost in this world. Grandpa was the embodiment of Home Squared.

There are reasons I do not want to live in Emery County. There are the reasons that none of us want to live there and that those who do can't stand about living there.

But there are also reasons I yearn to move back. To have Aunt Lori as Daphne's teacher, to run up the street and visit with some family member, to run into someone I'm related to wherever I go, to have Daphne get to know and love all the places and people I know and love, to have the closest friends (family) for myself and Daphne to be so close at hand, to have a vested interest in my local community, to know the story of every rock and tree and canal and ditch and to know every inch of sidewalk in the town for myself. The scenes of 95% of my nightly dreams are locations in Emery County.

Liza posted some Halloween pics on Facebook and I knew where every single picture was taken. I look through Gpa's pics and feel more at home than when I am sitting in my own house. What I wouldn't give to have East Mountain be within view at all times!

I owe this love for home to Grandpa, directly and indirectly. For the stories he shared with me and with my mother that she then shared with me. For the work he did to help build and shape the county, school district, mountains, Orangeville, and his own home. These things he did created an environment that left me so wholly connected to a place and the people in that place, that he is, to my mind, inexorably linked to that environment. That they are one and the same.

School Bells

Yesterday was a "half-day" school day for students. The teachers were to stay and work on report cards. Monday is a holiday so there is no school. The students left before the usual lunch-time bell. When the bell rang for lunch, and then again when the students would normally return to class, it brought memories of Dad. He had a issue with the school bell ringing when students were not in school. He would call the office to remind Carol (the secretary) to be sure to turn off the bells if the next days were holidays. He thought the bells ringing would make people thing "those teachers aren't working again today." He would tell Carol that people would say it isn't fair that teachers get so much time off when the rest of the public still has to work. Every time I hear a school bell ring and the students aren't in school I think about Dad. Carol said on the day that school ended before Christmas, she automatically went to the clock and turned off the bells for the holiday, then remembered that Rue wouldn't be calling. She cried, and still turned the bells off. She usually doesn't turn them off the one-day holidays, like this coming Monday, but she will for Easter, and for sure for the summer. But I will remember him every time I hear a school bell.

Memories

I have a hard time picking 1 memory of Grandpa to write about. I have wrote down a huge list of things that I can remember about him but it's hard to tell stories about what I know.

My list consists of BBQ's on the deck, family home evenings we once had on Sunday nights as a family at his house, Grandpa's many times in the hospital, yard work... Since Grandpa lived so close it was usual to just go to Grandpa's 1 night to go visit. And now I look back, we almost always sat in the kitchen and Grandpa was in his chair (in the corner). I remember when Grandpa got his recliner that would lift up all the way, we all that that was pretty neat. I think it was Landon or Mitch who sat in it and had it go up as high as it could to see how how it could go without them having to work to stand (it was probably Landon) :)

As I think more about memories, they will come to me and it will be easier to talk about them. So start writing away!

Trial run

"Oh my stars"

The reason....

I created this page so the family can share memories of Grandpa Rue. Last week I talked to Grandma and she told me to write down memories I have of Grandpa. I have so many memories that I don't know where to start. Of course we all have the memory of Christmas Eve at their house. I know the family is all feeling a void right now with Grandpa not here, believe me I'm feeling it too. But as a family, we need to stick together and we can get through this. I thought building this page we can help keep his legacy going. He has taught us so many things.